Logging Off

Although this is now my 3rd installment of my No Network experiment, it still hasn’t gotten any easier. I found myself up late the night before, trying to stock up on blue light in hopes that I would overload myself and, in turn, not want to even touch my phone the next day. I was wrong. Instead, I was a walking and talking zombie who might as well have been dead to the world. I walked through the day in a dreamlike state, counting down the hours, minutes and seconds I had to continue on with this torture.

“Stay busy” quickly became my mantra for the day. As long as my legs were moving and my mind was busy, I couldn’t possibly have time to think about using my phone. Wrong again. Although I stayed busy, I found myself humming along to songs that played in my head. The first signs of psychopathy were setting in. I was losing it. No longer was I just a walking and talking zombie, I was now a walking, talking and humming zombie. The best kind of zombie, one that liked Rock music. While I fought off the parasitic invites to dine at the endless blue light cafe, I had thoughts of my more productive hobby; reading. I had been closing in on the final chapters of one of my new favorite books: Misery by Stephen King. The climax was about to hit and I could almost taste it. I spent much of my time during the second half of the day being transported by the words of King. Upon finishing the book, many feelings clogged my throat like bile creeping up, daring to escape. My first thought was one of inspiration. Stephen King’s writing had awoken my primordial storytelling soul. All I wanted to do was write. But my second thought quenched that fire brewing in my stomach and chest. Now a state of fear washed over me, “What do I do now?” was all I could think.

Although part of me screamed to just pick up my phone already and bask in the light of a thousand posts, the louder and more dominant part yelled to pick up another book. So I indulged in the latter. I picked up another book and got to reading. Although I am invested in this new book, it feels not unlike cheating on your girlfriend. After spending so much time with one book, especially one you really enjoy, it feels wrong to move on so quickly. So the thoughts came back. Things like “Just dip your toes in, you won’t drown” or “Don’t forget about me, your most loyal lover”. These thoughts were harder to evade, but I dodged and I weaved, feeling like Rocky Balboa getting pummeled by Apollo Creed. No matter what I did I couldn’t avoid the punches. I thought of tapping out many times, but to my surprise my body wasn’t done fighting just yet. So I kept fighting. I fought nonstop up until I closed my eyes and let sleep take me into my midnight slumber.