Logging Off

What do you do when your day just doesn’t seem to end? What do you do when life feels at a standstill? While I don’t have the answers to these questions just yet, I hope to answer them in the preceding posts. I hope to answer these questions as they are ones I’ve been asking myself for too long. Too long have I waited for the answers to appear to me by divine intervention or otherwise. I’ve decided, although I am opposed to this way of thinking, to impose the ideology of Neo-Liberalism unto myself. For those who don’t know, Neo-Liberalism in the most basic terms is the idea of self sufficiency. It is basically every man for themselves. While it is normally used as a governmental term, it has also been used by redundant self-help speakers and authors. While I do not like this ideology as it casts a wide blanket over large groups, I believe it can help me get through this challenge I’ve created for myself

Day 4 of this challenge was a tricky one as there are no clear progressions in my ways of thinking or being, but there have been real changes. I started my day way too late, having not been able to get an ample amount of sleep the night before, so I was already off to a rocky start. On top of that, and on top of all the houses and roads, there was snow. SNOW! I was not ready nor prepared for that. Luckily, my dad graciously allowed me to borrow his truck for my trek across town-lines to school. It was lucky I had it because the roads were less than ideal. I ventured into thick fog that threatened to eat me whole, and avoided spines of snow piled in the middle of the lanes that emulated a skunks white stripe. While lost in the fog of the road, I was lost in the fog of my mind, creating worlds unknown to anyone but myself. I created monsters and people that only I knew. I played God in these made up worlds while the real God (or whatever divine being might be out there) tested my driving skills. I successfully evaded all of God’s attempts to stifle my venture and made it to campus. Upon arriving, I was met with a new friend who we’ll call Tim. Tim is someone that I net during DnD that has quickly turned into a reliable source of all things fantasy and science. He has a brilliant mind that I hope to pick one day if my knowledge ever reaches his heights.

After our brief discussion in class, I made my way to my favorite place to sit and relax. Though it is not quiet by any means, it is a space that allows me to feel connected to something bigger than myself. I usually spend my time there catching up on homework, but as I was “unplugged” for the day, I instead spent my time reading. I’ve recently picked up the classic novel A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. It is a challenging read, but the thing that keeps me going is my grandfather. He passed away about a year ago, and I got the chance to pick out some of his books I liked. One of them was A Tale of Two Cities. I feel a special connection to him when I read this book, so I feel an obligation to see it through to the end, just as he did so long ago. As if this previously spoken of divine being was hearing me, I was met with a flower pressed between two pages of the book. Upon seeing this flower, I was taken right back to the times when my grandfather had me help plant these flowers in his garden. He was a man of many talents, but his passion was always gardening. He loved it so much that he continued planting right up until his passing. To me, it was a reminder that not only was a divine presence watching over me, but right along side was all of my lost loved ones. It reminded me to look up, not only at the stars, but the things that lay between them. That empty space, that feels, not so empty anymore.