Logging Off

I’ll be honest, I’ve been dreading writing this post. There hasn’t been much progress and my motivation is waning. I feel the pull of technology constantly. My body aches with the knowledge that I still have 5 more days of this. This tells me one of two things. One is that this is what withdrawals must feel like, and two is that if i want to finish strong I have to change things up. How do I do that though? How do I make this fun when all the “fun” things I do involve technology? More questions that I don’t have the answers to.

Time goes by so slow when you stop to think. It feels as though I’m looking through the eyes of someone else and seeing a world that’s not my own. There’s an agonizing dread that comes with this feeling of looking out on a world I don’t recognize. It feels as though my foots been run over by a car and I don’t even feel it. I walk through the world with static skin and fuzzy thoughts. I make this challenge sound really fun, don’t I? While I’m not having fun right now, I do believe I’m at a crossroads. I could revert and go back to my life of complacency, or I could go down the road I’ve never seen before. The one that leads hopefully to enlightenment. This is what keeps me going, as I’ve had many moments throughout the day (especially now) that all I want to do is pull out my phone and rot for hours. The key word here is rot. While my body stays its normal self, my mind melts into the bottom of my skull to the point where all I can digest is funny cat videos and people falling over drunk. My brain is currently fighting for its life as I write this, trying to pull itself together long enough for me to write something borderline cohesive. My brain fights with me now as all it wants to do is stare endlessly into a sea of pixels. I fight it though. It almost feels like going for a really long run. When I go for a run, I have to constantly tell myself to “just get to that next tree” or “just one more mile”. While in an earlier post I referred to this challenge as a war, I compare it now to a marathon. While running the marathon, it feels like it’ll never end, but it does, eventually. I myself have never run a marathon, but I imagine that’s what it’s like. I only compare this challenge to running marathons because both feel equally impossible to me. There seems to be no end in sight, but if I keep my head up, I might just see it on the horizon.